Culture note: Chinese dining table customs and manners

A few (Western) friends have asked me about Chinese dining table customs and manners. So, I thought that I should talk about this a little bit. I say a little bit only because I don’t think I could ever cover the whole range of customs and rules: too many different regions, ethnic groups and social backgrounds. So here I could only just talk about what I know, how I have been educated / influenced by my education, by my strict parents and my ethnic group’s customs. --- Hope this is helpful.

Where should I start? --- Firstly, dining customs and manners in Chinese culture are all about ‘respect’ -- well, sometimes, my husband (from Spain) thinks it is a bit too much, coz that means you have to be conscious all the time - too tiring. Ok, let me start with the story we all learned when we were very little, it is one of the first stories that we had to know in life -- ‘Kong Rong Rang Li’, means ‘Kong Rong giving out the pears’.

The Kong Rong Story

It is said that when ‘Kong Rong’ was three years old, (Kong Rong was a politician, scholar, and writer in the late Han Dynasty period, and a 20th generation descendant of Confucius), one day, the whole family was sitting in the living room, and a big plate of pears was served. Kongrong’s dad asked him to pick up the biggest for himself, then give the rest to the others, but Kongrong said, ‘no, I am the youngest, I should take the smallest one, the biggest one should be given to grandpa.’

The story of Kong Rong giving out the pears has been passed on through generations and even written in the textbooks. It became an example of respect towards others, especially, towards older people. (In China, even somebody is one day older than you, you need to show him/her respect as bigger brother/sister.)

Finding a seat and serving food

So this definitely reflects on the dining table manners -- for example, how to find a seat. In the West, dining tables are normally rectangular, the host would seat at one end, whereas in China, since the dining table is traditionally round or square, normally the ‘important’ seats are determined by the direction in which they are facing -- back toward north and face toward south, as emperors’ seats.

Certain food is served with similar custom. For example, I already mentioned a few times how to place a fish (with head and tail) towards guests for showing respect. And when a new dish is served, it is normally placed in front of the most respected person (often the oldest person) around the table first.

An English friend recently mentioned to me that when he was in China, he did not like others ‘picking up’ the food for him and putting it in his plate -- he knows it was a kind of welcome and recommendation, but things he did not like to eat, now he had to, at least, pretending he was trying. --- Ha… Yes, I totally agree. I never liked it either, as if you are ‘forced’ to eat rather than just suggested for a try. But, it is a custom, it shows the sincerity and warmth from the host. No matter how many times you say ‘let me help myself’, you cannot stop them, as for them, if they did not do this for you enough, it means they have not been a good host -- this is particularly common in Northern China.

Saying Thank You

Many friends (Western friends) of mine have learned to use their fingers to say ‘thank you’. This is because normally when the table is really big, if somebody poured tea for you (for example) from the other side of the table, and then passed to you by turning the ‘top turnable’ part of the table, so it will be too far for you to say thank you; or the waiter/waitress served you a drink, you don’t want to speak out to disturb others talking, you would make almost like a ‘loose’ fist, then use the joints of index and middle fingers to knock at the table couple of times -- means that you are saying thank you. But this is a relatively newish custom. It is said, however, that it originated long time ago, when the officials would kneel down in front emperor to show respect.

Passing things over the table

If somebody does pass you a drink (or a gift off the dining table) in person, the other person is supposed to stand up and receive it with both hands -- this is a ‘forever custom’, I don’t remember how many times my parents blamed me for not behaving properly, I used to always either forget to stand up or using both hands. (Oh, btw, you know, if it is gift, you are NOT supposed to open it in front of the people who give to you, which is a really bad manner --- how different it is to the Western custom!)

Drinking culture

As for drinking -- the actual custom is bad, particularly bad in Northeast China. Northerners are famous for drinking a lot, and pushing each other hard to drink more. I am saying ‘pushing’ because they would keep on filling up your glass, and every time they would come up with a ‘say’ for ‘cheering’, which you cannot simply refuse. For example, the most common one is ‘if we are in good friendship, let’s have a sip’; ‘if you consider you have a very strong, meaningful friendship, let’s see its bottom’ -- to drink off. --- How can you say we are not friends, then not drink? So many people end up really drunk.

Ha… Funny, no? And a bit annoying, to me at least. Back in history, it was more common that people would make up a poem or painting when being a bit drunk. Anyway, you ever have chance to experience this, and do not want to drink this way, tell the people on the table at the very very beginning, otherwise, it is difficult to escape later on. :)))

Sharing food

Sharing the same plate of food is a Chinese custom that makes my friends from other cultures a bit uncomfortable or confused. Well, I can see their points, but it is a custom. In many occasions, there will be spoons served along with the dishes, so you can use the common spoons to bring food to your bowl. However, good manner is to use your own chopstick start picking food from the edge of the dish first, never pick up the centre, or choose the pieces, which might involve touching the other pieces that you are leaving others to eat. In fact, this is one of the main judgements for if a person has very good eating manner or not.

Finishing all the food?

And should you finish the all plates in front of you? --- Depends. If you are with close friends and family, yes, this means that you are not wasting, and respecting others’ labour, but if you are invited to a very formal dinner, then no. Always leave a little bit food on the plates, otherwise the host would panic and think that the food was not enough, or others might think you rarely have the chance to eat, that’s why you are eating for all. -- Ha.. This is a secret, never a real, publicly admitted manner, but it is from ‘inside’ story’, so very useful.

Making noise when eating

One last thing, actually I have been asked many times why Chinese make noise when eating. Ha… This is not really a Chinese custom, rather a Japanese or Korean custom. My Japanese and Korean friends told me that especially when eating noodles, you need to make some sounds, which shows how much you enjoy the food. Where in China, it is not considered a very good manner, however, people are used to it. It sounds strange, but, hey, if we are in Rome, we do as Romans do. :))

--- So now, I have got to finish this post, and get ready for a formal English dinner with my English dining table manners. :))

90. A traditional northeast Chinese recipe: steamed corn flour bread with garlic chives filling

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Actually, the term ‘bread’ does not quite reflect the original Chinese name. I wonder if there is an easy, more accurate,  translation at all. In Chinese, these are called corn flour ‘tuan zi’, which literally means something like "rolling it up into a ball with fillings in the centre".

In my previous corn flour recipe, I already talked a bit about the history of corn flour food in China.  In the old, much poorer days, being able to have corn flour bread was like Heaven. Since I was little, my most beloved grandma, and my parents would time to time make corn flour bread to recall the taste of corn flour in the old days.

And this is one of my grandma’s recipes.

I never really thought one day I would be so desperate to make it. I thought the memory of it and its taste would be just a memory that would remain in me forever. Especially one evening, my grandma made it, and that evening was nothing special at all.

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89. Healthy recipe: stir fried celery and almond (V)

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Chinese stir fried celery and almond

After staying indoors the whole day, in the afternoon, around 4.15pm, I decided to pack my sport wear and go to gym. According to the weather forecast, sun set would be at around 4.06pm, so I thought I would be walking in the ‘dark’. However, when I stepped out, day light was not totally gone yet, then after passing the buildings in the yards, which blocked my view, suddenly I saw the beautiful sky, rose, purple, orange, red--- the sun was making its last splash in the sky, it was a beautiful picture in the west. I wished I had a camera with me.

I could not help but looking back every single step as I moved forward. When I turned into another street at the end of the road, suddenly I realized there were so many people already coming out from the shops, galleries, restaurants, and were all looking at the sky. --- It is not because something so rare, but because something we try not to miss in life.

This recipe is an easy and healthy one -- stir fried celery and almond. Ok, we have to talk about almonds a little bit. There is a difference between almonds grown in Southern China and those grown in Northern China; so, we usually distinguish between Northern and Southern almonds.

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Common ingredient: Chinese leaves

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Image source: http://www.js12345.net/goods_view.aspx?goods_id=E6E3A8DC0FED09FC

I know I have already talked a little bit about Chinese leaves in some of my previous recipes. Here, I hope I could give you the full picture, and clarify the common confusions between Chinese leaves and Pok choy.

The ones that you can find in most supermarkets, with layers of leaves, white (creamy colour) ‘hard’ parts and ‘soft’ leaves parts, which can be green or yellow, are called ‘Bai Cai’, or ‘da bai cai’ in Mandarin, as ‘big white vegetable’. The Mandarin name actually coincides with the Cantonese pronunciation ‘Bok choy’, but these are really different things -- well, actually not so different, same family of vegetable.

Bok choy is way smaller and ‘slimer', and it often has more green leaves and a smaller white part. The kind of Bok Choy used in Cantonese cuisine is not commonly found in Mainland China. (Below left you can see the mainland Chinese version of 'bok choy' /small Chinese leaves; on the right, you can see the Cantonese 'Bok choy'). If I am stressing this is because the recipes for these different types of leaves are quite different.

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88. Four-Joy Chinese Meatballs (Meat Balls Braised with Brown Sauce)

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Chinese meat balls

Another not so simple simple, but very traditional recipe. It seems that I am very hard-working after all. Ha… After having continuously cooked in the kitchen on Friday and Saturday, I have so many recipes to share. :))

I normally cook a lot of vegetable dishes for our daily meals, but since we were having friends over, I thought it would be nice to make some meat and vegetable dishes and put together a traditional Chinese meal (along with some salad/liangcai dishes).

I chose this dish for our guests because they just got married, and this dish is a typical one for happy occasions, such as wedding banquets or festivals.

‘Four - joy meatballs’ is the direct translation. In many English menus, it is translated as ‘Four Meat Balls Braised with Brown Sauce’ -- don’t be confused with the ‘brown sauce’, it has nothing to do Western brown sauce, here ‘brown’ only refers to the colour.

The original Chinese name for this dish is ‘Si Xi Wan Zi’, if you are in China, you probably have to mention this pronunciation, in order not to confuse the waiters.

The dish and the name of the dish actually have some history. This dish is a truly good example
showing how Chinese like to play with words and similar pronunciations.

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87. Chinese bread / dim sim recipe: Steamed Creamy Custard Bun

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奶黄包

This is NOT a northeastern Chinese recipe. :) A friend of mine asked for this recipe a while back, but, well, firstly, I am lazy to try new things, and I wouldn’t put anything here if did not try to make it and take the actual pictures. Secondly, I have never been a good ‘baker’, I can never carefully check the weight / proportions of each ingredient, which is actually quite crucial for making this kind of food.

You don’t believe me? - ha… the proof is that last week I just ‘turned’ a ‘cake to be' into a ‘stone’. :))) But my carelessness is not a secret since I was little, my dad could tell you all the stories. For example, all the marks I lost in the exams were either because of misplaced a ‘dot’ or missed out a word --- carelessly. And there are many other funny things like I could read something, at least I thought I read it carefully and grasped the meaning, then tell a completely different thing -- because I missed out some words or unconsciously ‘re-organized’ the words in different order. Ha… All I am saying is that if there are some recipes that need precision, then I wouldn’t be able to do it, or I wrote something wrong here, it has never been my intention. :)))

Anyway, I did try to ‘behave’ well this time.

Steamed Creamy Custard Bun is a very popular kind of Cantonese Dimsim . Actually, in UK, whenever we go with

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Surprising and nice encounter with Tibetan food (II)

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When my ‘stir-fried’ beef was served, I could not believe it was only for me -- it was a big portion - a full big plate!! I don't think I have ever seen this generous portion in any Chinese restaurants in China or abroad, other than in northern China. So I thought it was just like people normally said - it is a typical 'northern' thing. But, hey, now, I know I am wrong, very wrong. And the taste of the stir fried beef -- it took me back home with the memory of my uncle’s food straight away.

Tibetan beef is famous, so it is not surprising that they can cook really tasty beef dishes; however, I was surprised that the taste of these dishes was very similar to my regional and ethnic group food, even they are not close geographically at all. And the touch of cumin seeds and coriander makes it even better.

Although, I keep on talking about the surprising similarities between Tibetan food and my ethnic group's food, there were actually some differences - one is the prevalence of curry dishes in Tibetan cuisine; in Chinese cuisine, curry never really existed before receiving Japanese and Cantonese influences, and it has never been a 'common homecooking food' in China.

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Surprising and nice encounter with Tibetan food (I)

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This is a totally lovely surprise!! In the evening, a few of us decided to go to the city centre of Bonn (Germany), and find a restaurant there for dinner. None of us really knew Bonn that well, we wanted to wander around, see what we could find. When we aimlessly got off the tram, a friend suddenly suggested, ‘how about Tibetan food’? He explained that on Monday he tried to dine there with a few other friends, unfortunately it was closed, but he might still be able to remember the way. We immediately agreed --- for us, all the food lovers, we LOVE to try everything!

On the way to there, this friend kept on saying that he did not really know if it was going to be good or not, and hope we would like it. --- He was a bit worried if it was going to be a bad choice. The truth was, besides loving to try the food, I was very curious about the restaurant and the people there.

I had never been to Tibet, and I did not have many chances to know Tibetan people and their food. But I have heard so much of it, my dad used to have some students from Tibet, his knowledge of Tibet was really ‘first hand’. They remained very close friendship after the graduation. And my mum always says that the only wish she has is to visit Tibet one day, as it is the only province in China she has never visited. -- So you can imagine, for me, it was not even that important if the food was nice or not --- but I want to be there.

So there we were. Once you entered the restaurant, you could see all of the staffs there with distinguishing Tibetan features -- somehow, we knew we came to the right place, the food was going to be good and authentic.

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86. A different kind of Chinese noodles: Flat noodle sheet soup

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Chinese "Mian Pian"

You know in Chinese, ‘noodles’ are called ‘Mian Tiao’, which is literally translated as ‘flour strips’. This dish is very similar to a regular Chinese noodle soup, but it is called ‘mian pian’, meaning ‘flour sheet’.

I am not sure if this recipe originates from North East China, but I have never seen or heard of it elsewhere in China; in fact, I have never seen it in any restaurants in China -- it is my dad’s speciality, and he learned it from my grandparents. Oh, he has another similar one, I will show him off next time. :)

‘Mian pian’, just at its name suggests, is like a different kind of noodles with a different shape. Making them involves less hassle than making regular Chinese noodles by hand. For ‘Mian pian’, once the flour dough is made into a flat sheet, you can just ‘tear’ or ‘pull’ the sheet into smaller pieces, then boil it as you would do when making Chinese noodle soup.

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A weekend meal idea for 2-3 people

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Weekend is coming again? Time - where has the time gone? Last weekend is just like yesterday. I could not remember what I have done during the whole week at, or probably I did not do anything at all. A few nights I woke up from sleep, could not help thinking time fast passing by, and how much I have wasted. I swear, for some time I got even scared to sleep. --- Don’t we just miss the years when we were very young, and we never had to understand what time was, what worries meant, what life means.

One thing has got to continue, and not wasting time --- to eat. We don’t only take ‘eating food’ to supply our body, but also for tasting life, you know, bitterness, spicy, sweet, salty, sour… and just joyful chewing…:))


Here is a meal idea for the weekend. I picked up some recipes I already posted.

I say ‘weekend recipe’, is because, in northeast China, it is a kind of tradition -- on the weekend -- to cook some flour based food, the common ones are different kinds of dumplings, baozi, shaomai…

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Cooking note: Corn flour mix for thickening the sauce

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You probably have noticed in many Chinese recipes, especially in stir-fry recipes, it is very common to use corn flour mix (corn flour mix with water or with other seasonings) to thicken the sauce in the wok.

I understand that a similar method is used in many Western food recipes as well, but I want to talk about the differences when using it. Hope it is helpful.

This method is called ‘Gou (1) qian (4)’ in Chinese. It is not only for thickening the sauce and make it evenly wrap the content, but also it is good for giving the food a very ‘shining’ and ‘smooth’ appearance, which is normally one of the presentation requitements  for Chinese food.

Corn flour is commonly used for thickening the sauce in Chinese recipes, however, others like potato flour, or even wheat flour can also do the job. As for the proportions of the amount of the water and the flour, it is normally 1.5 : 1 (it needs a little bit more water for wheat flour).

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86. Fried red pepper with soyabean paste sauce (optional) (V)

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Chinese red pepper with soybean paste

油焖红椒

During all these years living in England, I have always kept on cooking Chinese food, all the dishes I could remember, -- if not on daily basis. But it is hard to remember all of them without being in that environment, you know, seeing all the typical Chinese vegetables in the markets, or tasting traditional home recipes, or without going to local restaurants in China.

So, the best time to try my food is probably right after I come back from China for a holiday, when I can remember everything, the recipes and the seasonings. :))

Saying that, this recipe is one of those "forgotten" recipes.

Only a little over a year ago, a friend’s mum invited us over, she made this dish, it jogged my memory.

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Update: Which tofu is suitable for Chinese cooking?

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--- For some friends asked me about this matter


I have talked to a friend the other day about tofu. Well, actually, we started talking about Waitrose’s food, and about the store located in Oxford. Honestly, we rarely shop in Waitrose; first, because we tend to support local markets, and we can get better prices and more varieties of food, and second because the tofu sold at Waitrose is not really suitable for Chinese cooking.

This friend (who is not Chinese) insisted that in Waitrose you can get different types of tofu, and there is no need to go to any far east shops. So, I dropped by for a check. :)

I think I need to talk a bit more about what kinds of tofu are suitable for Chinese recipes, especially given that quite a few friends have asked me about this already.

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Simple Chinese recipe/remedy for cold (boiled ginger and dark brown sugar drink)

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姜糖水

When I was in Manchester, I worked part-time in the International society of Manchester universities for a few years while studying my MA and PhD. Every year this time, when the new students arrived, the weather became very variable, and flu & cold affected all of us, one by one. In the office, you could hear coughing, sneezing, all over. -- Writing this makes miss the time working with my dearest friends, well, saying working isn't exact, chatting, laughing, eating and much more…

Anyway, I should not spell too much nostalgia here, as it seems late autumn is already here, and it has brought along the coldness and darkness.  What I want to say is that, because of the changing weather, it is so easy to catch a cold or the flu. So I meant to share a simple Chinese recipe/remedy for the cold -- a boiled ginger and dark sugar drink. In fact, the drink is so tasty, you don’t need to be having a cold to enjoy drinking it. :)))

Since I am in England, I realize that Chinese and Western people treat cold very differently. For example, when treating fever, Western people normally try to cool down the body temperature by using, for example, ice -- from outside to inside; in contrast, traditional Chinese methods are all about making you sweat,

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85. Chinese fish recipe: Sole cooked in soybean paste

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Chinese fish in soybean paste

酱汁鱼

Bonfire night!! Sitting in the living room, although we could only over see the quite streets under the peaceful yellowish street light, the noise of fireworks is everywhere. My friend just asked me, ‘in China, you have lots of fireworks, right?’

--- Yes, there are lots fireworks, especially during Chinese New Year and wedding celebrations. Normally every household would set off firework at 12am on the Chinese New Year eve, noise, sparkling everywhere. I never really like those very ‘noisy’ ones, so my parents used to get me those ‘sparkling’ ones with lots of colours and ‘images’. The noises and ‘sparkling’ colours symbolize the ‘good’ start of the new year.

I haven’t been at home celebrating Chinese New Years with my parents since I came to England, haven’t really felt that ‘noisy’ atmosphere for so long. About 5 years ago, I went back home just before the new year celebration finally finished, (which is normally on the 15th January in Chinese calendar), I saw a bunch of those ‘sparkling’ fireworks on the table -- my mom said, ‘I thought you haven’t played them for all these years, you might want to light them up.’ … … That was the most memorable fireworks I ever played… …


For this recipe, I really hope you can get soy bean paste somewhere near you. :))

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84. Making Soy beans as snack or as side dish

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Chinese soy beans

My parents used to always prepare some ‘Chinese snacks’ at home. The quotation mark means -- really -- it is only me treated them as snacks. As I told you before, my mum did not really approve that we, me and my brother, had any snacks, as they could disturb our appetite for the main meals. So these snacks are really the side dishes. Sometimes, it was peanuts, peas, sometimes it was these soy beans -- they are mostly savory. But I like to grab a handful of them to take time to time, so I call them a ‘snack’. :)))

This kind of soy beans are a very popular Chinese snack --- at least before crisps and other Western snacks were introduced in China. In fact, you can nowadays find similar soy bean snacks in England; for example, I have seen them in M&S. I prefer my homemade version, though --- I have to boast it a little bit, :) - my dad makes the best.

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My food stories -- Lost in translation in Germany

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O, I totally got lost in translation in Germany, lots of funny stories happened, I have got to share with you. :))

This was my first time really visiting Germany, I mean, apart from a few times ‘passing by’ at the airports. I thought I had completely given my heart to the Mediterranean sun, but have to admit that I enjoyed so much the time in Germany, even if it was  quiet, super quiet -- everywhere. :)) -- Noon, in the city centre, in the shopping mall, at the train station, there were many many people, but, quiet, very quiet, people all talked in very low voices; there even was no background in many shops and shopping malls -- make you feel suddenly, you have all the space for yourself, your mind could fly as high as it likes. Me, as Chinese, ha… you can imagine, what a great experience to visit a country where people do not speak aloud.

Well, not speaking -- there is another reason -- I cannot speak German. :( So here are funny stories.

I was told that ‘Nordsee’ is a popular restaurant / fast food for German style ‘fish and chips’, so I went there for a late lunch. I was not very hungry though, just thought I would need a small bite.

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83.Stewed Chinese leaves with tofu (V)

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Stewed Chinese leaves with tofu

Opened the blinds this morning, autumn has spread the whole yard, yellow and red leaves are covering the whole walls and the grass -- how beautiful! Although there was no sun, the red, yellow, orange and green (yes, there is still a little green colour left) colour are composing a beautiful autumn concert. I stayed by the window watching for a very long time, just did not want to move…

The only sadness is that after changing back from summer time, the day light time is getting shorter, quite sudden -- I thought I have prepared for the night arriving early, but still sudden, a little bit panic rose up from deep down of my heart. -- Another autumn, another winter, another Christmas, another year…

Autumn Chinese leaves

It is said that autumn is a harvest season, many fruits and vegetables are on the markets now. My mom told me on the phone that she was planning to buy autumn vegetables for storing them up for the coming winter. Although this is no longer a necessary thing to do in northeast China (there will still be millions types of vegetables available in the markets), my mom said that she still wanted to keep the old traditions; however, she would buy much much less than she used to many years ago- just a ‘symbolic’ buying.

And one type of vegetables she must buy is Bai cai / Chinese leaves.

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